#mumguilt – 21st February 2017

This post was written on Sunday 19th February 2017.

I don’t feel like I’ve been a brilliant mother today. I haven’t been a bad one by any means. But #mumguilt means any day where you don’t emulate Mary Poppins makes you feel a little inadequate.

Elliott and his dad went to their swimming class this morning. They go every Sunday. I used to go to watch but now silly poolside rules means I can only go once a month when it’s my turn on the rota.

I always think I’m going to use the time when Mr H and Elliott are out to chill out. Maybe read a book, drink endless cups of tea, paint my nails. I never do this though. I’m always running around trying to get one step ahead. You would think I would be a whole postal code ahead of myself the amount of tasks I try to tick off the list in the hope of feeling as though I was getting close to completing something, anything. Alas, I always feel as though I’m one step behind – sometimes more.

This morning I made myself another cup of coffee and set to today’s to do list.

• Reply to messages – I’m awful at replying to texts and Whatsapp messages in my head, so I have to go through once a day to make sure I haven’t missed anything!
• Sort finances – again doing it daily helps with my sanity!
• Check emails – I do this daily too to keep on top of things and in the vain hope that some amazing opportunity has pinged into my inbox overnight.
• Washing – yep, today I have washed mine and Mr H’s clothes, our bedsheets, the steam mop head, Elliott and Mr H’s swimming gear and there’s a set of towels on the go now too.
• Ironing – just one top this week, thank goodness.
• Clean microwave – its once a week deep clean.
• Change bedding.
• Milestones photos/videos – this is more of an as and when, but I did film a cute video of Elliott at breakfast so I got that uploaded and added to the blog post I’m looking to use it in.
• Meter readings to Scottish Power – I called them only to discover that they’re going to estimate our bill anyway?!
• Mop – Anyone else find steam mopping therapeutic?
• Promote blog post – It was this one in case you’re interested.
• Plan Elliott’s favourite books blog post
• Plan week
• Think about Mother’s Day plans, as well as plans for my birthday and write my birthday list to get Mr H off my back
• Meal planning
• Make lunch
• Make dinner
• Wash up from lunch
• Have a shower and cut my Gruffalo toe nails and shave my Gruffalo legs

I didn’t do all of this before Mr H and Elliott got home obviously and I did do other things too, like participating in the #mblogchat, drinking hot chocolate and eating too many Lindt chocolates. One thing I didn’t do much of was playing with Elliott. Sure, there was a brief stint of playing with lego, before I had to confiscate the bricks because he was throwing them at the TV and, OK, he clambered on me after dinner in that way that only toddlers can. We did play football a little bit too. And we played with his shape sorter…

And this my friends it what pisses me off sometimes about being a mum. Most of the tasks that I completed on my to do list were for the benefit of my family – either feeding us, making sure our home is nice and clean to live in, keeping a roof over our head… So, although I wasn’t directly caring for Elliott – I was – simply by carrying out those tasks. And, when I look back, I did play with him. OK so we didn’t do a structured activity like going to the park or painting, but we sat and we played, albeit for short periods. So, in both senses I was looking after my child. But the rule of #mumguilt means that no matter what you do; how you do it; or how much you do your brain will never think it’s enough. It will never be satisfied and it will send the dreaded ‘bad mum’ signal into your mind.

I really want to say fuck #mumguilt, I really do. But alas it lingers…

Any tips?

 

Date Night – Mission Accomplished – 18th February 2017

Last night Mr H and I managed our first date night of 2017. Well, actually, our first date night for a very long time. We did have one planned in for January but I was ill (not that I like to harp on about it) so we had to cancel.

Yup, yesterday my mom came over to look after a sleeping Elliott whilst hubby and I headed to our local cinema to see Trainspotting 2. I even put on a fresh face of make-up for the occasion and changed out of my toddler slobbered on attire into something clean! Wowsers!

At first it was really strange even being in the car without Elliott. We’re so used to constantly checking on him in his car seat. Has he gone to sleep? Is he OK? Is he about to wang his dummy somewhere unreachable?

When we arrived at the cinema (early – we were going to make the most of our hours sans toddler) we headed to Costa for a (decaf) coffee. We automatically chose a large table as we’re so used to having to unpack snacks, entertainment, baby wipes, etc… etc… When I stood up from the table I picked up my clutch bag and looked around to make sure we hadn’t left anything behind. I was so not used to traveling light.

The film itself (accompanied by popcorn, obvs) was brilliant. A sequel always makes you a bit anxious – will they be able to do the original film justice – especially with a film as iconic as Trainspotting? But by golly they did. The references to the previous film were brilliant. You cared for and hated the characters in equal measure. There were tense moment, clever moments and the usual bonkers moments that you would come to expect from a film full of friends whose only real bond is Heroin. We both loved it and have been talking about it non-stop today – always the sign of a good film or TV show in our house. We’ve also been singing various songs from the soundtrack, especially this one and this one (Elliott is also loving this one).

Elliott was a star pupil for his nan too, not waking at all whilst she read her book and waited for us to get home.

I’ll admit we’re not usually a ‘date night’ couple. Pre-kids we didn’t see that we needed a special night for ‘us’, we just went out when we wanted to. Now babysitters have to booked in advance so it makes just popping to Pizza Express a little more problematic.

Last night did us the world of good. The opportunity to be husband and wife, rather than mummy and daddy. Sure, we talked about Elliott loads – he’s our absolute world, so we were always going to.

One sure sign that regular date nights are needed is the fact that despite not getting to bed  until 1am last night and waking at 7am this morning to the sound of Elliott going “Mummy? Daddy?”  we were actually more refreshed than if we had a night in front of the TV.

Now to plan our next date night, my birthday night out!

Choose life. Choose date night.

A day of firsts – 18th February 2017

Funnily enough I’ve been trying to write a post about toddler milestones for Elliott’s 18-month update (he’ll be 21 by the time I get it finished at this rate and I don’t mean 21 months!). Anyway, I’ve been really struggling to think of what the milestones are for a toddler. They’re certainly less obvious than for a baby.

Then, we go and have a day packed full of firsts. Sadly there’s no photos (how exactly do people manage to take pictures, carry shopping and hold onto an unruly toddler??) but anyway here’s what’s gone down…

We tried these protein packed banana pancakes for breakfast this morning. At first Elliott shook his head and refused to try them, but after a bit of encouragement and him clocking the looks on our faces as we joyfully devoured them he got stuck in. They’re delish and a great way of adding protein to your toddlers diet if your little one is a total carb fiend like Elliott.

Elliott stroked an owl! They’ve started having weekly markets in our local town on a weekend and one of the stalls today was one of those where there’s lots of owls (great description, I know). We showed Elliott the owls on our way into town and he was a bit ‘whatever’ – probably because the owls weren’t moving very much so he didn’t really know what he was looking at. On our way back out of town I had taken Elliott out of his buggy whilst daddy purchased some essentials from a market stall (double chocolate brownies, natch!) as we walked past the owls we stopped to take another look. This time Elliott was on the same level as one of the larger owls who was resting on a perch/log (I’m so rubbish with nature stuff) on the floor. Elliott was so intrigued he pointed and smiled and waved and then started walking towards the owl. I held onto Elliott, after all you never quite know what a toddler is going to do, but Elliott just gently stroked the owl on the chest. I was so proud of him for being so gentle and kind and also so brave.

So, Elliott was out of his buggy and we decided to keep it that way as we walked home. Give him chance to burn off some excess energy so he could have a good nap after lunch. We can always pop him back in the buggy when he gets tired. Scratch that. Change it to if he gets tired. Elliott managed to walk all the way home from town. Admittedly that is only a third of a mile, but when you’re as little as Elliott that must seem like a very long way indeed. He also behaved really well as he walked, holding my hand and happily pointing at me and Mr H smiling and saying ‘Mummy!’ and ‘Daddy!’ respectively.

Elliott also had his first bagel for lunch, which he loved. Probably because it was smothered in cream cheese.

Another first. We eventually got rid of his bath seat! He’s probably been a little old for it for a while, but it still fitted and gave us some degree of sanity when bathing him. Today we swapped it for a bath mat and half expected a bath time meltdown, what with the whole change thing and everything. Elliott did look slightly perplexed, but he sat still and enjoyed being able to swish the water around more easily. He was even sensible enough to ask me to pass a bath toy back to him when it had moved out of reach.

Just goes to show. When you think you’ve seen it all, these little ones amaze you every single bloomin’ day. Elliott, mate, you’re an absolute star and mummy and daddy adore you.